Last week a comment was made on the Little White Lion Facebook page that it looked like it was going to be another bad year for female politicians – meaning there are no good ones. Since I’m a woman, my first thought was to get pissed, but frankly I can’t disagree with it. Can you honestly think of one “poliCHICK” (yeah, that just came to me and I love it) who commands – or better yet, has truly earned – America’s respect? I can’t. And it’s important to me that I do, not only because I care about this country, but because I’ve come a long way with my own perception of female politicians. Let me explain.

I grew up in a part of the country where women were not encouraged to be involved in politics. Charlie Darwin would’ve coined the term ‘sexual-selection’ when it came to politics in my Southern hometown. My friend’s Archie Bunker-ish father liked to drop comments like, “women are too hormonal and should not be politicians.” (Little White Lie ALERT!) So the world was quite different. He didn’t know that females that reach the pinnacle of senatorial rank would actually outperform their male counterparts!

As much as I wanted to disagree, I stayed in that mindset for years because there weren’t many ladies on the ballot. It made sense to me that a polichick with raging PMS would not be capable of making sound decisions about serious shit like gun control and healthcare. I couldn’t help but think how I cope when awaiting my monthly visitor <insert visions of a blonde chick popping Midol and crying incessantly>. So for me to make rational choices now? Estrogenocide!

Despite all that, I learned that my belief about women in politics was a complete load of crap. No matter which side of the aisle you sit on, you cannot deny the reverence that politicians like Condoleezza Rice and Hilary Clinton have earned and deserve. Unfortunately though, the present (and possibly future) state of females in politics looks bleak. There are politicians in the public eye like Sarah Palin, who was most recently called “profoundly stupid” by Chris Matthews (and undoubtedly others as well). Then there’s Christine O’Donnell who has admitted to a past dalliance in witchcraft, plus has a failed campaign scandal AND a sex scandal under her belt (no pun intended) – there ain’t no rest for the wiccan!

There are varied opinions about what is really the truth in each of those situations, but my point is that there is too much questionable activity surrounding these individuals. And I’m barely scratching the surface of just one party here. But aside from the “gossip”, here’s a fact for ya:  2010 was known as the  political “Year of the Woman”, yet it yielded no net gain for women in the Senate and a net loss for women in the House for the first time since 1978.

Washington, we have a problem!

So since there are no females that really “do it” for me when it comes to politicians, I put together my own dream candidate based on some characteristics that I’d like to see in a polichick.

Kindness and Strength of Character:  Sandra Bullock.
I was going to go with Mother Teresa, but she is too good for politics, so I went with Sandy.  She’s one tough lady and has my full respect for the grace in which she has dealt with her challenges. She adopted a child while dealing with the sudden shock of single motherhood and did not kick Jesse James square in the junk for his part in that – not to mention she was able to kiss Keanu Reeves without hurling. God’s SPEED to you, Sandra! (ha ha, sorry about that)

Power and influence:  Oprah Winfrey.
To be honest, I don’t even like Oprah very much, yet I’m mentioning her anyway. Many of you that don’t like her either are nodding in agreement. See what I mean? That’s power. When Oprah speaks, people listen. Who convinced me I had to have that salmon-colored cashmere snuggie with a built in battery powered back massager and weather radio? Oprah did! So I hocked my car and bought it. Yep. America needs a big “O”.

Intelligence:  Marilyn vos Savant.
This lady is an American magazine columnist and author who has the highest I.Q. in the world on record. I really like good writers, plus she’s the frickin’ smartest person alive, so I’m going with her. Go big or go home!

Body:  (yes, I’m going there because I think it’s relevant)
Ass – Amy Adams.
Have you seen her in those aviator pants playing Amelia Earhart in the movie, ‘Night at the Museum 2′? Poor Ben Stiller must have taken countless cold showers. She stays in shape and carries herself perfectly. I have booty envy. I bow to it. I am not worthy.

Arms/Midsection- Sigourney Weaver.
I can sum up this broad in two words – BAD ASS. She has the skillz to bear arms and have bare arms. I’m not making any kind of statement about gun control, I just think it’s important for a chick in office to look like she could hold her own in a bar fight. Sigourney would flat knock you OUT if you messed with her. And you could play a game of Quarters on her abs. Watch your hands, Bill Clinton!

Head – Minnie Pearl.
Ok, quit laughing, and don’t get mad - I gave you Amy Adams’ ass. I don’t think women politicians should be total knock outs and distract men to the point where they forget about what’s important and start thinking with their hanging chads! Minnie is a mature woman and would be taken more seriously, plus she has a welcoming smile and a great sense of humor. (please ignore the fact that Minnie is dead and continue with me in present tense, OK?)

I can’t mention Minnie without talking about her crazy flower hat. Sure it’s gawdy, but it shows she can laugh at herself – humility rocks! And the dangling price tag? I think she leaves it on the hat to show pride in the bargain she got – “hey, I paid $1.98 for this bitch!” She knows how to manage her money, which is another worthy yet arguably rare trait of a politician. Howdy!

Minnie said it best:  “God has a plan for all of us, but expects us to do our share of the work.” 

Amen! Let’s kick some ass, ladies.