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I have PMS, my mother-in-law is coming to visit, and we’re out of Nutella. It’s the perfect storm.

I hate it when people spoil my mood with a good attitude.

My favorite Fall activity is not shaving my legs.

Not enough people use weapons in tampon commercials.

Just because I know I could get more done if I got up earlier doesn’t mean I have any intention of ever trying it.

I’m having a tough time keeping a straight face when I tell my kids to make good choices.

If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me, “you’re not right”, I might be able to pay off my therapy bill.

Snooki’s baby is already drunk and wearing an Ed Hardy onesie.

I spent my Saturday evening trying to spread Nutella on a Cheeto without breaking it… in case any of you are looking for a life coach..

My superpower is that I never run out of bad ideas.

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