I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve fantasized about running my cart into the heels of the stupid people that block the aisles at the grocery store.
The thought of you spontaneously exploding always cheers me up.
You’ve heard of witchcraft? Well…
I’ve learned to use meditation and relaxation to handle stress…
Anyone tired of hearing about football yet? Me neither.
Who ever said, “the customer is always right”, clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
That sad moment when you realize that the trash goes out more than you do.
My lack of dusting skills will finally pay off at Halloween.
Thank God all my terrible decisions aren’t made on national television.
Shhhh… Mommy is in a timeout.
