Daddy Rocks

Father’s Day always makes me think of many important events of my past. This year I was struck with the memory of early in my first pregnancy of receiving the book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” from one of my mom friends.

Having heard about the book in the pregnancy arena many times, I..wait for it…expected to get it as a gift. What I didn’t expect is what she said when she gave it to me. “See this book? It’s a load of crap. I want you to read it and know that nothing about being pregnant is as clear cut as what is contained in a book. Nothing about being a parent can be summed up in any kind of book either. The first rule of parenting is to trust YOU.”

Those words really struck me, all the while scaring the shit out of me. I wanted all the answers to be in one book. Doesn’t everyone?? The fact that the unknown could not be described in print made me nervous and feel inadequate before I even had a chance to actually screw up. But her words could not have been truer. I read the book and also many others through the years. The topics ranged from my role in raising a confident toddler to dealing with daughters who aren’t having their periods, yet are having intense unexplained mood swings… (please pray for me). Some of the information is helpful, absolutely, but ultimately the decisions about how best to parent lies with the parents.

(LITTLE WHITE LIE Alert!) You don’t have to read and follow the advice in a ton of books to be a good parent. How unexpected!

So while reminiscing about my first pregnancy, I couldn’t help but remember how disappointed I was with the choices in maternity fashion. And while this seems to have gotten better over the years, much of it still sucks. Do designers believe that women who already feel like they are fiercely unattractive want to wear clothing that only helps to make that a reality? These tent dresses and oversized polyester shirts are things that most of us wouldn’t wear in Size “Beach Trip Weight”! So why now? Pregnant women should feel like they are rockin’ it!

Recently on my Facebook page, I said that I wished there had been a company that made maternity t-shirts with snarky sayings when I was pregnant. Several moms said they too would’ve gladly sported one of these instead of the more typical preggerz garb. They agreed that it’s important to keep your sense of humor through this uncomfortable time! I requested suggestions for these humorous sayings and received about 100 contributions (from moms, dads and even non-breeders). The best 20 are listed below.

Today we salute the dudes who knock us up. Happy Father’s Day!

The Happy Daddy Top 20 Tank Top Booby Traps

Shoulda put a Nuva Ring on it

My husband said he would pull out, but now look at my big ass!

I know what I did last summer…

‎My husband knocked me up and all I got was this crappy t-shirt.

All daddy wanted was a blow job….

Preggo® – It’s in there!

What can I say? He went to Jared.

JUST DID IT

It was either this or get a real job

Mommy’s little tax deduction

‎Next time I’ll just ask for flowers

9 Minutes of Heaven. 9 Months of Hell.

Damn you, tequila! DAMN YOU TO HELL!

Sometimes what happens in Vegas, does NOT stay in Vegas

Who’s Your Daddy??

Designated Driver

I didn’t want a Klondike bar THIS bad

MILF to be

‎Next time I’ll have a headache..

‎If only I had taken Katy Perry’s advice and kissed a girl

It took me 40 years to be this good.

Two years ago, I guested blogged for a friend and wrote the following entry about turning 40. Yes, that means I am now 42 and I am not only fine with being that age, I don’t really care who knows that I am that “old”. I am happy to still be here, especially since I had friends who didn’t get the same opportunity.

I have never understood why so many people dread turning 40. I feel more secure with myself than ever. I know who my true friends are and what I have to do (and what I shouldn’t do) to keep my sanity and remain relatively happy with life. Did I know that when I was in my 20’s? HELL NO. I didn’t even know it less than a decade ago. In my opinion, the idea that “40 is Fatal” is one of the biggest LITTLE WHITE LIES out there. So I hope you will enjoy this blogging flashback – or I guess in my case, a blogging HOT FLASHback! (ha HAAA)

So this year I turned 40. Big deal right? Not to me. But apparently it is to some members of my family, as well as some of my misguided friends. First, my parents – who thought it was cute to call me repeatedly and bust out laughing when I answered. Also my best friend – who bought me a pair of boob suspenders to keep “the girls” up (yes, these are available in some stores and online – who knew?). My husband, who unfortunately is 15 months my junior and talks about how I “robbed the cradle”. But most surprisingly, my 7-year-old daughter who couldn’t believe her mom was going to be such a big number.I mean, my mom is 40 – WOW, that is majorly into the double digits and takes forever when counting to get to it. (her words)

Why is this such a topic of conversation? After all, I don’t look 40, at least in my humble opinion. I definitely don’t act 40 (if you know me, you’re nodding in agreement). Age is a state of mind, right? And my state of mind is screaming “25”! I am young, vibrant and hip. I can name every Jonas Brother and I dance with my kids to the songs on my iPod (some of these songs are even currently played on the radio). I try to dance like Beyonce’, even though I am mad white. I can also balance a damn good beer pyramid on top of my knees (see photo). Doesn’t that all add up to one bad ass momma?? Well to me, it does – and that’s really all that matters.

I decided to embrace my image of myself and laugh off everyone else’s opinion about this number that had turned into such a phenomenon. It sure as hell didn’t hurt that my husband decided to whisk me off to Orlando, Florida for a little mini-vacation (sans our two kids, woo hoo!) in honor of my birthday. We stayed in a fabulous hotel right beside the Universal Studios theme park. While relaxing poolside, I came up with a list of the Top Ten ways to survive your 40th birthday based on my experience that weekend. Maybe some of these will help you when you’re upset about a birthday. (Hint: the most important thing to do is find a way to laugh about it!)

Relish the fact that a 70-year-old man hit on you at the pool bar and remind yourself that you’ve still got it (at least with folks who are probably pissing themselves while talking to you – but who cares, they’d hit that!). BOO yeah.
While looking for chairs at the hotel pool, if your husband slyly tries to steer you close to the high school sunbathers, calmly say (audibly) “Holy Jailbait, Batman!!!” smile widely, and keep walking towards other spots.
Just keep drinking…..just keep drinking…(this option is not for the weak, by the way, but it is crucial for maximum stress reduction).
Pretend the screams coming from the roller coasters at the theme park next door are really intended for you! (Tip: if you are faithful in following the advice in #3, you will be able to convince yourself of almost anything).
Channel your inner DIVA. (or is that COUGAR? on second thought, skip the damn verbiage and just order another double martini)
Keep reminding yourself that it takes a lot less time at the pool bar now when ordering a drink (because let’s face it, you ain’t gettin’ carded).
Follow the advice of the very happy Jamaican waitress at the hotel restaurant and just “ting a tong”. The tong I always choose to ting to bring me to my happy place is “September” by Earth, Wind and Fire. I dare you not to have a smile on your face after listening to that one! Up for a challenge? Try dirty dancing to it…go on, I dare you…(just do NOT let anyone film you…trust me here…).
Follow the advice in #3 BEFORE you put your bathing suit on. Even if you are still able to see what you really look like, you probably won’t care.
When your husband makes a crack about all the blackbirds that seem to be gathering around your lounge chair at the pool, simply tell him that the birds are actually ravens who can predict the likelihood of his getting laid on this trip. And to quoth the raven? NEVERMORE.
Don’t count what your age is in dog years. Dogs your age are dead.

Most importantly, remember that when your child tells someone that “My mom is 40!” You should finish the sentence with…. “and FIERCE, baby!”

I’m Bringing Lazy Back

I have only been a MOGS (Mother of a Girl Scout) for less than two years, but I have quickly learned that it can bring out the worst in people – especially during Girl Scout cookie season. The most memorable MOGS moments I have had was when our (previous) troop participated in a cookie booth last year at a local grocery store. One of our customers that day was a woman who was so unbelievably rude to our girls. She accused us of not giving her correct change (yet we did) and then stormed off taking her cookies, her attitude, and her correct change with her! It left the girls and us MOGS pretty speechless (and MAD). I love puns so I thought it would be a great time to take out some aggression on this awful customer while sticking with the Girl Scout cookie theme. Here is what I said to all the other MOGS there:

She just committed a Do Si Don’t and this troop was totally Trefoiled! Clearly she needs a Thin Mintervention or perhaps a Samoational rescue. At the very least, that woman should be Lemon Chalet Cremed. I don’t know if I want to Tagalong at this booth anymore. I am a Dulce De Mess and Thin Mintcidentally, I hope we don’t have anymore customers like that!

Dang it, I thought it was pretty clever and most of the moms did laugh (yet nervously) except for one who kind of gave me the eye roll. As I do with all people who lack a sense of humor, I ignored her. But after the booth was over, she came up to me and said she needed to discuss something with me. I assumed it about my misappropriation of Girl Scout puns, but I was wrong. She asked me if I had ever washed my daughter’s Girl Scout vest. (yeah, I know, I was thinking the same thing – WTF???) Well no, I had not washed it because I had done such a crap job of ironing on the patches that I was afraid to wash the vest for fear that they would all fall off. She then politely suggested that perhaps I could take the vest to the dry cleaners. Really? Wow, thank you for that! I then made a crazy counter proposal – maybe I could even just spot clean the vest?! She agreed that yes, this was acceptable. Woo hoo! SO glad we could figure out such a huge dilemma – what a relief, right? (so now I’m the one rolling my eyes)

In honor of my daughter’s nasty Girl Scout vest, I changed the words to one of my favorite songs – “Sexyback” by Mr. Sexy Back himself, Justin Timberlake, and emailed it to this woman so she would know that I was taking her advice very seriously. The moral of this story is – when life hands you Lemon Chalet Cremes, write a hip hop ditty and send it to the bitch!! Here it is:

I’m bringing lazy back….(yep)
You’re only jealous of my art of slack….(yep)
A clean vest doesn’t mean that you’re all that.….(yep)
I have some mad skills that you others lack….(yep)

Take it to the cleaners.

Dirty vest…
Covered with Thin Mints,
Doesn’t look its best.
Is it all cotton or is it permanent press?
Too bad this momma’s a domestic mess.

Take it to the cleaners.

Come here, vest.
Go ahead, just spot clean it
Turn it to the back.
Go ahead, just spot clean it
Smells like pee.
Go ahead, just spot clean it
Even a patch can’t cover the ick.
Go ahead, just spot clean it
Look at that filth.
Go ahead, just spot clean it
This vest looks so vile.
Go ahead, just spot clean it

Get yo’ lazy on!

Life may be a stage, but don’t be a backstage mother

I have two daughters and they are both dancers. I love dancing. I love dance recitals. I loathe having to be backstage at dance recitals. Dance recitals seem to bring out the worst in lots of peeps, especially moms who put monumental pressure on themselves. They are the ones who are backstage trying to put the finishing touches on their daughters so they have “perfect” hair, “perfect” makeup, and the most “perfectly” fitted costume so they can perform “perfect” routines. To make matters worse, they expect me to be just like them. Yeah, that ain’t gonna happen.

I wish these moms realized that when they work so hard to make everything “perfect”, their kids will feel pressure to be “perfect”. This could work to harm their feelings of self-worth because they might see your expectations as too high for them to achieve. So the very thing these chicks feel they must do to be better moms could result in the opposite result of what they intended. (LITTLE WHITE LIE Alert!)

That’s right, you are actually not doing them any favors, mommy dearest. You should probably ask yourself this – are you striving for perfection in your kid so that you look like the perfect mom? Think about that one and then think about this. “Perfect” does not exist. It’s a load of CRAP. Quit trying to reach this unachievable level of “success”. Take the same advice that we give our kids – just do your best. No one’s best is perfect, but your kids won’t care, or even notice. They’ll just be happy to have you there. That’s success.

I’ve been in the dance world with my daughters for almost 5 years now and a backstage volunteer at many dance recitals and competitions. I’ve almost lost my mind from all the chaos of the catty girls and their mothers, but my daughters like when I am there so I suck it up and do it. (that’s me doing my best, btw) Over the years, with the help of some of the other moms, I compiled a list of tips. These have helped me escape with my sanity, mostly because they have made me laugh (and kept me from hurting anyone…yet).

Top Ten List of Backstage Survival Tips

Booze. (just make sure someone else is driving you - actually this is a perfect time to punish the mother in law or a great opportunity for a little student driving for your teen – shouldn’t others get to experience all this fun?? BONUS)
Bring a lighter and practice making blow torches out of half empty bottles of Aqua Net.
Put in your iPod ear buds to drown out the whining. If that fails, crank up some Barry Manilow tunes and let the kids have a listen. (it will scare them out of their damn tutus and might even shut them up completely)
“Hey, girls – who is wearing the stage lipstick that will adhere the best to duct tape? Let’s find out!”
Suggest to the girls that dancers have to become comfortable with nudity when changing costumes backstage. Then immediately explain that they should never become comfortable with nudity while ON stage. (Life Lesson #18 from me, Mrs. Supermom – again, should scare the piss out of them if done right)
Ask the question, “So what’s your favorite show on the Disney Channel?” Let them each take a turn telling you, then inform them that Disney just announced they were going off the air. Sit back and enjoy the mass hysteria. Hope that makeup is waterproof, girls!
Booze.
Tell them that Mrs. Supermom is dealing with some anger issues and is heavily medicated for their safety, but just in case, they should probably not get to close to her. (also in this same spirit, refer to yourself in the third person)
Bring your hot glue gun and offer your services for any last-minute “alterations” to costumes.
Bobby pin origami. Tell the girls you read that Selena Gomez is holding a contest for the best bobby pin “art” creation. First prize is a date with Justin Bieber. Sure, you know how hard it is to mold a bobby pin, but the point here is to keep the girls busy. You might get lucky and score enough free time to go pee!

Why Do Women Falter in Politics When They’re Clearly More Gifted?

This is a technical follow-up for Karen’s article, “Where My Girls At?”:

The simple facts of the matter are that American “girls” have been getting shut down and shredded for the last 90 years, and the act of sexual-selection is still alive and well in American politics. Karen is right, American girls are rarely a part of the political discussions of early childhood. Studies have also shown that women do not think about politics as much as men do (Brown Report).

Why do Women Falter in Politics?

There are two prevailing roadblocks to the success of women in politics. One of the impediments originates in the woman herself, and the other block is generated by the false assumptions of her own society. Voters are biased against the potential female candidate, and if the potential female candidate isn’t strong enough, then she can easily become biased against herself. Sarah Palin is the poster child for this assessment.

Sarah managed to rise to the governorship of Alaska, so she actually defeated the largest societal roadblock for a woman, but she eventually collapsed under the apparent weight of her own self-doubt (or Narcissism). She removed herself from office then selected the easier, more lucrative, role of ‘Grizzly Mama’. It almost appears that she grossly underestimated herself, in relation to the men she was competing with, and simply quit. This is political self-sabotage in the most general sense. Sarah’s own aide just compared her to Jello. We’d like to add that it’s probably fruity Jello. Needless to say, she is a victim of politics, not a politician.

Hillary Clinton has her own issues, but we have to admit that she’s weathered the storms that Sarah was unwilling to endure. In this regard, Hillary has survived what one Stanford study calls “The Jackie (and Jill) Robinson Effect”. The jist of the “Jackie” abstract clearly states that when the basic forms of sexual-selection are present, then only the strongest and most qualified female candidates will emerge from the fray. It’s also been proven that elected congresswomen perform better than their male counterparts.

They referred to the fact that congresswomen ”secure roughly 9 percent more spending from federal discretionary programs than congressman. This amounts to a premium of about $49 million per year for districts that send a woman to Capital Hill.” In fact, Anzia and Berry pointed out that women “sponsor and cosponsor more bills per congress than their male colleagues.”

In the end, women just suffer from a very Un-Natural Selection process. And other women are their worst enemies!

All The Single Ladies?

Unmarried women ”make up one of the fastest-growing demographic groups in the country and comprise 25 percent of the voting eligible population. Yet, in 2008, of the nearly 51 million unmarried women who were eligible to register to vote, only 35 million did. That’s 16 million women who could have voted did not even register” (Source).

Let’s face it, with the threats to planned parenthood, abortion rights, and the fact that the recession hit single mothers harder than almost any other subgroup should have driven single women out of their voting slumber. But it hasn’t. Those polling numbers are expected to drop.

Women face an unfair and very unnatural selection process, and we also have a failure, among women, to mobilize. And this is why you get MAN-PLEASING candidates like Sarah Palin or MAN-LIKE politicians like Hillary Clinton. It’s not surprising to hear that Christine O’Donnell once ran on a platform that declared masturbation as a form of adultery. In many ways, these women are playing toward the ancient male institutions that traditionally subjugate the role of women in America.

So where are my Girls?

Most of the “Girls” are operating from anti-masturbation platforms, with a shotgun in one hand, and a magic wand in the other, but the actual “WOMEN” are sitting across the table from the President while Osama Bin Laden gets off’d, or they’re actually taking a bullet for their political stances in places like Arizona.

The other “Girls” are part of the 16 million unmarried women that didn’t even register.

The media got it all wrong when they called 2010 “The Year of the Woman” in politics. Palin and O’Donnell did not emit “power.” They consumed attention. They were actually a setback for an advancing 90-year-old process.

Power creates more power. Showmanship, religion, and glamour feed an entirely different MALE machine.

“The Year of the Woman”? Not so much….

In fact, after the 2010 elections, there were no net additions to the female ranks of the Senate for the first time in 32 years, and the House actually suffered a net LOSS among the female membership. We’d call that an EPIC FAIL. Palin and O’Donnell are the poster children for this alarming outcome, not the solution.

I think we can see the problem. And it’s easily fixed.

Where My Girls At?

Last week a comment was made on the Little White Lion Facebook page that it looked like it was going to be another bad year for female politicians – meaning there are no good ones. Since I’m a woman, my first thought was to get pissed, but frankly I can’t disagree with it. Can you honestly think of one “poliCHICK” (yeah, that just came to me and I love it) who commands – or better yet, has truly earned – America’s respect? I can’t. And it’s important to me that I do, not only because I care about this country, but because I’ve come a long way with my own perception of female politicians. Let me explain.

I grew up in a part of the country where women were not encouraged to be involved in politics. Charlie Darwin would’ve coined the term ‘sexual-selection’ when it came to politics in my Southern hometown. My friend’s Archie Bunker-ish father liked to drop comments like, “women are too hormonal and should not be politicians.” (Little White Lie ALERT!) So the world was quite different. He didn’t know that females that reach the pinnacle of senatorial rank would actually outperform their male counterparts!

As much as I wanted to disagree, I stayed in that mindset for years because there weren’t many ladies on the ballot. It made sense to me that a polichick with raging PMS would not be capable of making sound decisions about serious shit like gun control and healthcare. I couldn’t help but think how I cope when awaiting my monthly visitor <insert visions of a blonde chick popping Midol and crying incessantly>. So for me to make rational choices now? Estrogenocide!

Despite all that, I learned that my belief about women in politics was a complete load of crap. No matter which side of the aisle you sit on, you cannot deny the reverence that politicians like Condoleezza Rice and Hilary Clinton have earned and deserve. Unfortunately though, the present (and possibly future) state of females in politics looks bleak. There are politicians in the public eye like Sarah Palin, who was most recently called “profoundly stupid” by Chris Matthews (and undoubtedly others as well). Then there’s Christine O’Donnell who has admitted to a past dalliance in witchcraft, plus has a failed campaign scandal AND a sex scandal under her belt (no pun intended) – there ain’t no rest for the wiccan!

There are varied opinions about what is really the truth in each of those situations, but my point is that there is too much questionable activity surrounding these individuals. And I’m barely scratching the surface of just one party here. But aside from the “gossip”, here’s a fact for ya: 2010 was known as the political “Year of the Woman”, yet it yielded no net gain for women in the Senate and a net loss for women in the House for the first time since 1978.

Washington, we have a problem!

So since there are no females that really “do it” for me when it comes to politicians, I put together my own dream candidate based on some characteristics that I’d like to see in a polichick.

Kindness and Strength of Character: Sandra Bullock.
I was going to go with Mother Teresa, but she is too good for politics, so I went with Sandy. She’s one tough lady and has my full respect for the grace in which she has dealt with her challenges. She adopted a child while dealing with the sudden shock of single motherhood and did not kick Jesse James square in the junk for his part in that – not to mention she was able to kiss Keanu Reeves without hurling. God’s SPEED to you, Sandra! (ha ha, sorry about that)

Power and influence: Oprah Winfrey.
To be honest, I don’t even like Oprah very much, yet I’m mentioning her anyway. Many of you that don’t like her either are nodding in agreement. See what I mean? That’s power. When Oprah speaks, people listen. Who convinced me I had to have that salmon-colored cashmere snuggie with a built in battery powered back massager and weather radio? Oprah did! So I hocked my car and bought it. Yep. America needs a big “O”.

Intelligence: Marilyn vos Savant.
This lady is an American magazine columnist and author who has the highest I.Q. in the world on record. I really like good writers, plus she’s the frickin’ smartest person alive, so I’m going with her. Go big or go home!

Body: (yes, I’m going there because I think it’s relevant)
Ass – Amy Adams.
Have you seen her in those aviator pants playing Amelia Earhart in the movie, ‘Night at the Museum 2′? Poor Ben Stiller must have taken countless cold showers. She stays in shape and carries herself perfectly. I have booty envy. I bow to it. I am not worthy.

Arms/Midsection- Sigourney Weaver.
I can sum up this broad in two words – BAD ASS. She has the skillz to bear arms and have bare arms. I’m not making any kind of statement about gun control, I just think it’s important for a chick in office to look like she could hold her own in a bar fight. Sigourney would flat knock you OUT if you messed with her. And you could play a game of Quarters on her abs. Watch your hands, Bill Clinton!

Head – Minnie Pearl.
Ok, quit laughing, and don’t get mad - I gave you Amy Adams’ ass. I don’t think women politicians should be total knock outs and distract men to the point where they forget about what’s important and start thinking with their hanging chads! Minnie is a mature woman and would be taken more seriously, plus she has a welcoming smile and a great sense of humor. (please ignore the fact that Minnie is dead and continue with me in present tense, OK?)

I can’t mention Minnie without talking about her crazy flower hat. Sure it’s gawdy, but it shows she can laugh at herself – humility rocks! And the dangling price tag? I think she leaves it on the hat to show pride in the bargain she got – “hey, I paid $1.98 for this bitch!” She knows how to manage her money, which is another worthy yet arguably rare trait of a politician. Howdy!

Minnie said it best: “God has a plan for all of us, but expects us to do our share of the work.”

Amen! Let’s kick some ass, ladies.

From Natural Disasters, Naturally Come Predictions..

The devastating earthquake and tsunami that struck Japan has led many of us to pray hard for the victims and donate money and services to relief efforts. Unfortunately, it has also caused some others to make outrageous “predictions” and make even more unsolicited comments as to the reason why this natural disaster occurred. For example, the following was overheard at my kids’ bus stop the day after the tragedy – “First New Orleans, then Haiti and now this. God’s really picking them off, isn’t he?” Uh…actually “he” is not doing that and to hear an accusation like that left me speechless. Does God really punish people or kill them off because of their sins?? I personally do not believe it for a minute. Let’s face it – if God really did that, none of us would be here. And if this is indeed the case, what exactly did the Japanese do to piss God off?

A recent post on Facebook is also an indication that some people will grasp at all kinds of theories:
“Think about this for a minute: Sept 11th- New York, January 11th- Haiti and March 11th- Japan. Luke 21:10-11 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes’, famines and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven. ‘Jesus says for behold I come quickly’ …so ask yourself, are you ready?”

Ready for WHAT? Another person recently posted that what happened in Japan was a clear sign of the second coming of Jesus. So I guess we all should ready ourselves for Jesus’ next visit. I, for one, am going to have plenty of water available with hopes that he’ll turn it all into wine! And it’s good that we’re planning to party since the world is going to end in 2012 anyway, right? (but that’s a whole other story) It’s amazing what people hear and read that they take to be 100% factual. The Bible reference itself could be interpreted many ways. It’s actually quite vague and most definitely up for interpretation. While it does mention earthquakes specifically, those are common in many areas, yet I don’t see anything that indicates they are caused by God. Moreover, did Jesus really say the previous passage, word for word? (again, that’s a whole other story)

“Pestilence” can be defined many ways. It does not necessarily mean disease of bubonic plague proportions. It can also refer to any type of destructive influence on society such as racism or hate in any form. It could be argued that the comment at the bus stop was an example of just that. Truth is, we are living with “pestilences in various places” right now and have been for a very long time! This is nothing new. But it is something that we as individuals can control. If you want to know why an earthquake happened, ask a seismologist – don’t speak as if you know the intentions of God. Especially if what you are saying is not based on love. Because what is not love… is not God.

“It Gets Better” is another version of “Just Say No.”

During the 1980′s, Nancy Reagan promoted her “Just Say No” anti-drug campaign. And though she travelled over 250,000 miles, appeared on Diff’rent Strokes, and was seen in a music video, the campaign failed, and drug abuse among teens increased. Her misguided thoughts can be summed up in her famous remark: “If you can save just one child, it’s worth it.”

Nope….that’s a bad success rate by any standard, Nancy.

During the same time, studies were going on at UC Berkeley that proved that the “Just Say No” campaign was going to increase drug use among young people. Numerous studies among atheletes (with steroids), vacationers (with sunscreen), or children (with cookie jars) had already proven that saying “no” actually increases interest toward such taboos.

Nancy’s pet project was actually a short sighted waste of air miles. She barely touched upon the primal causes of drug use which included, but were not limited to, family dissolution, poverty, unemployment, AND her husband’s lack of interest in limiting the introduction of drugs to the United States via our Southern and Northern borders (inhale).

I digress: The “Just Say No” campaign was sweet and caring, but it ran counter to human nature and it may have actually increased teen drug use.

Is it possible that our well-meaning, “It gets better”, campaigns are just as ineffectual?

I keep thinking about a happy Wildebeest, sipping water from the relative safety of a water hole at the END of his migration as he calls his buddies, at the beginning of their journey, to remind them that “it gets better”. Sadly, the Wildebeest fails to remind them that there are 10,000 hungry predators, 15 swollen tributaries, several forms sleeping sickness, poachers, desert conditions, and the largest form of “just say no” for a Wildebeest…Fences, between them and the END.

“Don’t worry guys. It gets better!”

Pip-pip, and cheerio, bitchez!

Suicide rates among gay, lesbian, and transgender teens are dictated, in the largest sense, by the same factors that contribute to suicide rates for all ages and genders. The difference being that homosexual teens have more risk factors and fewer protections than heterosexual youths. In most cases, if not all, the homosexual that commits suicide lacked family support, safe school settings, and a severe lack of spiritual support. Even though the Bible has three lovely same sex relationships within it’s pages, there are far more passages devoted to the evils of homosexuality.

Many people’s actions against homosexuals are religiously based. So we can assume that the average homosexual has the usual socioeconomic factors that lead to suicide (or the attempt), but then we can acknowlege additional forms of alienation like family, community, and church. It won’t get better until we change those paradigms. It won’t get better until we actually work to defeat the social constraints on the mental well being of our people.

ACTUALLY, it only “get’s better” for those that get through it. And though the campaign for things getting better is absolutely the right thing to say, it has about as much effect as the “just say no” campaigns of the 1980′s. There’s very little “doing in the saying”.

Nothing EVER ‘gets better’ with just a slogan.

The focus should be placed upon familial acceptance, religious tolerance, and cross cultural understandings, and then we have to follow through, as a society, on MAKING it better.

A slogan tends to end up in one very common place: It takes on a life of it’s own. So if you truly want something to get better, don’t just say it – DO it.

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